The youngest member of the Sinister-Winterbottom family, Alexander (always Alexander, never Alex or Xander or Exa) wants nothing more than to spend his summer curled up in his window seat, reading mysteries. He much prefers reading them to living them. A deeply kind, gentle, and empathetic twelve-year-old, Alexander constantly worries that his constant worrying is a problem. He loves strict food safety protocols, dry socks, and his family. He loathes buffets, steep water slides, and forced group activities.

The middlest member of the Sinister-Winterbottom family, Theo (always Theo, because Theodora is too long to write and say) wants nothing more than to spend her summer having adventures. No slide is too steep, no rope swing too high, no library shelves too off-limits for climbing. A deeply brave and stubborn twelve-year old, Theo doesn’t care what other people think of her, but she sometimes has a hard time understanding her own feelings, much less other people’s. She loves competing, audiobooks, and churros. She loathes arbitrary rules, sitting still, and places without churros.

The eldest member of the Sinister-Winterbottom family, Wil answers to Wil or Wilhelmina, or, mysteriously, Wil-O-the-Wisp. When she’s not staring at Rodrigo, her beloved cell phone, she’s wishing she was staring at Rodrigo, her beloved cell phone. A brilliant teenager, Wil might be kidnapped, turned into a vampire, brainwashed, or any other number of terrible things she’s too busy hacking government databases to notice. Good thing she has Alexander and Theo. Wil loves her phone, her phone, and her phone (and her twin siblings, most of the time). She loathes most everything else.

Mrs. Widow runs Fathoms of Fun Waterpark, which is an odd choice for a woman who apparently hates the sun, water, children, and fun. She recently lost her husband, Mr. Widow, and doesn’t seem particularly concerned with finding him…

*Photo Not Available:
Last seen entering the Cold,
Unknowable Sea wave pool…
and never coming back out.

By all accounts a loving, joyful man who wanted nothing more than to run his dreary, beloved water park with his dreary, beloved wife for the rest of his life. So why did he go into the wave pool and never come back out? And where could he have disappeared to?

*Photo not available:
Please imagine a large mean mustache.
No, larger and meaner than that.
Yes, perfect.
You’re imagining it correctly now.

A large mean man with a large mean mustache and small mean eyes, Edgaren’t also goes by the names Edgar, Heathcliff, and Van Helsing, but whatever name he’s going by, he keeps showing up where the Sinister-Winterbottoms don’t want to see him. Which is basically everywhere, because nowhere is a good place to see Edgaren’t. Except maybe behind the bars of a jail cell or at the bottom of a very, very deep pit.

The impeccably stylish teen nephew of the owners of Fathoms of Fun Waterpark, Edgar quickly becomes a friend and ally to Theo and Alexander, and maybe something more to Wil. Who knows. Teenagers are weird and mysterious. Also weird and mysterious is the fact that Edgar’s dads are missing, just like the Sinister-Winterbottom parents…

*Photo not available:
Please picture a blonde blur
disappearing into a cupboard.

What are you talking about? There’s no one named Lucy at the Sanguine Spa. But while you’re here, a game: What’s my sixth favorite animal?

Mina once ran the Sanguine Spa with her parents, but ever since they disappeared, she’s been running the whole thing by herself under the direction of the Count. Pretty and kind and prone to shouting at things no one else can see, Mina’s keeping secrets. Including one with sharp white teeth and a craving for red liquid, creeping through the walls at the Sanguine Spa…

A lassoing prodigy, Quincy Graves is allergic to: cats, dogs, rabbits, frogs, cows, sheep, horses, giant ground sloths (they’re extinct, but she’s definitely still allergic to them) and anything else she might want to lasso. She’s from Texas, which she’ll definitely mention, and has a mysterious uncle taking care of her while her parents are missing, which she will definitely not mention.

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Please imagine a boy so covered in
dirt you can’t tell what color his hair or eyes are, but you can tell he’s very angry.

That furiously sullen creature scurrying beneath the foundation of a Camp Creek cabin? You just met Henry Hyde. Good luck finding him again, though. And he definitely doesn’t need friends, and he definitely doesn’t need help, and he definitely won’t help Theo.

Missing. Please contact with any information regarding their missing-ness.

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This is for your protection.
It is too scary.

Lumbering. Looming. Threatening. Menacing. All excellent words to describe Mister Frank, the adult in charge of Stein Manor Science Camp. What happened to his partner, Victor Stein? No one knows, but one thing’s clear: he’s determined to get rid of any kids poking around his manor.

An accountant so good that apparently Vlad Blood and his wife left everything to him when they disappeared, the Count wants his guests to lie back, ignore their children, and leave everything to him as they relax and drink his special “health” shakes.

Missing. If you see them, please tell them their children are very worried.

As sweet and lovely as Mister Frank is dour and unpleasant, Essa loves baking and science and making others happy. She’s designed the perfect activities for every single visitor, welcoming them into Stein Manor with open arms and fresh cookies. Sometimes Essa looks sad or angry when she thinks no one’s watching, and she’s a strangely competitive baker. How did she end up at Stein Manor, and what might she know about the missing parents? What silly questions. Have another cookie!

Have you seen this genius scientist?
Because if you have, you should tell the Sinister-Winterbottoms. But don’t tell anyone else who might be asking.
Wait, who else is asking?
Do they have a mustache?
Would you describe it as…mean?

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And it doesn’t matter because
you’d forget what she looked like
as soon as you saw it anyway.

Imagine the plainest, most depressingly boring bowl of unsweetened, unflavored oatmeal you’ve ever had the misfortune to stare down at. Now imagine that bowl of oatmeal is a person in charge of a summer camp for children. So why is everyone at camp so happy, just, like, so, so very happy, all the time, no matter what? Don’t worry about it. Just join Alexander in her cabin to make some tie-dye and forget about all his troubles.

Missing.
Or perhaps hyding.
See what I did there?

Missing.
Please contact with any information regarding their missing-ness.

Right where she’s always been,
if you can find her.

Missing. Please contact with any information regarding their missing-ness.